Tell Your Own GrandFamily Story
In our world today and with the substance abuse epidemic, the number of grandparents becoming a grandfamily is quickly growing. Fortunately there have been “some” grandfamily resources put into place to help grandparents in their newly found roles. Many of us are finding ourselves in the position of parenting our grandchildren. In some cases it is one grandchild but in most, grandfamilies are made up of multiple grandchildren. As older and wiser adults we realize just how great this task is . . . and the tremendous responsibility that comes along with it. We certainly did not plan on raising children at this age. But while we very much looked forward to those middle-aged years of freedom and new experiences, we lovingly except the challenge. How could we not? The love we have for our grandchildren is this wonderfully and enormously distinct love that is like no other. Because of that love, we gather the troops and get to work.
Because of that love, how could we allow our grandchildren to remain in unhealthy or dangerous circumstances, or potentially be placed in foster care? Please let me say that in some cases, grandparents simply are just not able to raise their grandchildren and we must be sympathetic of that. Also, there are many wonderful foster parents around the world and we are grateful for those who would freely share their home and their love with the children they care for. For those grandparents who are raising grandchildren, the world today is very different than when they raised their children. With regards to toddlers, unfortunately they demand a level of energy from us that seemingly disappears with our thirties and forties. As for school age children, helping with math homework alone is almost an impossible undertaking. Mix in the need to understand the advancements in technology, and a text-speak that is very much like trying to understand a foreign language, and we are sometimes left completely overwhelmed. It does not take long to realize that we have a great deal of catching up to do. Then, there is the huge chore of learning the social media platforms and how they function. This is an added layer of knowledge for us to conquer and wrap our minds around. Then comes the realization that the same social media they use for entertainment and to connect with friends, gives our grandchildren the ability to connect with the parents they were taken from in order to protect them.
Though our grandchildren were taken from parents who have neglected and abused them, this does not lessen their bond with those parents. Nor does it negate the love they feel for them. Dealing with the emotional fall out of this can take a great deal of love and wisdom, as well as patience. Often, the things they have went through, did without, or had forced upon them affects them in ways that necessitates an immense amount of healing. It also demands much love, understanding and a keen perception to begin to tear down the walls they may have built to protect themselves. Showing them what healthy and especially “real” love looks like through how “we” love them, is so very important. Helping them to relearn to love in a sense, with the hope that they live happy lives as adults, and love their own children in healthy ways. Although the immediate goal is to love and provide for them, and to keep them safe, this is of course one of our long term goals as well. Helping them to become the best grownups and the best parents they can be . . . this is just one of the many things that I want for my grandchildren, great grandchildren, and so on.
Then there is the love that we have for our adult children, the same parents that may have mistreated and neglected our grandchildren. The emotional role that it plays in our own hearts, and finding ourselves in this new place of the emotional unknown. It straddles our thoughts and emotions across the divide of the love for our children, and the love for our grandchildren. It is a place between love and disdain, empathy and indifference, anger and forgiveness. There is the part of us who love our children and feel the brokenness they must feel when they lose “their” child. However, alongside that comes the knowledge which truly hits home, that they have not done their best for that child, your grandchild. Especially when “we know that we know” that they have only their own actions and decisions to consider, which brought them to such an outcome. This can certainly plant seeds of anger and resentment, and we work very diligently to ensure those seeds do not take root and grow. But . . . before any of this, comes our love for our grandchildren. Their safety and welfare takes precedence over every event, every decision, every emotion, and every person. We have had to learn to walk in forgiveness, but also with wisdom where our children are concerned. We could not allow them to wrongly influence or do more harm to our grandchildren. It has also been truly important that we not allow any unwanted feelings or words to plant seeds of anger and resentment in the hearts of our grandchildren. We would never want this to take root and grow along with them as they grow into adults. Helping our grandchildren to work through anger and hurt, to forgive and then walk in wisdom at the same time can feel very similar to walking a tight rope. But we do what must be done. We work with our grandchildren, loving them, as well as through living this concept out in front of them . . . setting the examples of the life lessons that we are trying to teach them. Finally, we must keep in mind that we cannot control our adult children any more than we can make their decisions for them. However, our grandchildren cannot control what happens to them, and need someone to protect them. It is our duty and our love for them that causes us to be steadfast in our determination to intervene. To make sure they are safe, and as loved as they deserve to be. It is that very love that provides the strength and will to build a grandfamily. It is our privilege.
It is for all of these reasons that the “Our Story” section has been included in grandfamilyconnect.com (GFC). I, as the website creator and admin, am a grandma who has been raising four grandchildren for a number of years now. You will find my grandfamily story woven throughout the pages of the blog, and the rest of the site as well. As a grandfamily grandmother, I want to help others by sharing my experience and the lessons I have learned along the way. I can also appreciate the value of hearing others’ grandfamily stories. It allows us to be supportive of one another in our struggles, as well as to share in our joy and our blessings. As a licensed social worker, I also understand the importance of community support and the benefit of connecting with others. There is something about knowing that you are not alone in your journey. Hence, the primary reason for GFC. With all of this said, please feel free to send us your own grandfamily story. We would love the opportunity to read and consider your story for inclusion in the Our Story section of the site. The local resource and events sections of the site are updated regularly by myself and those sent in by GFC users. If you are aware of grandfamily resources and grandfamily events in your area, we invite you to send us a link and any contact information you can obtain. There is also the social component of GFC and we welcome your participation. After all . . . support, communication and awareness are just some of the keys to success. And what could be more important than the success of our grandchildren?
Read GrandFamily Stories Here. | Tell Your Own GrandFamily Story Here
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